Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
