yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think people are normalizing furries
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