Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
