I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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