I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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