If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.