Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My ATM looks so different sober.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
