woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away