I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
