Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha

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(702): **** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha http://tfl.nu/p7u5

Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (678)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru

Replies (28) Good night (5114) Bad night (2053)
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(913): View more from Kansas

he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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(913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness. http://tfl.nu/hbrf

Replies (10) Good night (1039) Bad night (4673)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???

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(717): Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK??? http://tfl.nu/2k2z

Replies (13) Good night (3614) Bad night (1321)
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(281): View more from Texas

He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.

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(281): He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning. http://tfl.nu/ijln

Replies (5) Good night (3403) Bad night (950)
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(440): View more from Ohio

i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...

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(440): i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night... http://tfl.nu/6z7m

Replies (2) Good night (3182) Bad night (807)
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(707): View more from California

At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.

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(707): At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve. http://tfl.nu/oxx2

Replies (3) Good night (3462) Bad night (814)
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(917): View more from New York City

How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?

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(917): How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German? http://tfl.nu/lobs

Replies (11) Good night (1687) Bad night (1186)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.

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(313): I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others. http://tfl.nu/ph3w

Replies (6) Good night (1803) Bad night (722)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed

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(570): I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed http://tfl.nu/7vip

Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (975)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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(734): Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on. http://tfl.nu/8pzz

Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (369)
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(716): View more from New York

Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.

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(716): Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking. http://tfl.nu/rcur

Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (586)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.

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(303): I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes. http://tfl.nu/8g0z

Replies (6) Good night (829) Bad night (791)
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(512): View more from Texas

I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck

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(512): I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck http://tfl.nu/fgif

Replies (8) Good night (961) Bad night (448)
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(206): View more from Washington

sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?

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(206): sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches? http://tfl.nu/kl03

Replies (6) Good night (954) Bad night (331)

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