Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

Fav 10 1401 1840
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

Fav 61 7509 998
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

u sound so gay right now

Fav 35 7349 1524
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

Fav 27 5159 1562
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(978): View more from Massachusetts

That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

Fav 11 3424 1405
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE

Fav 10 1651 3710
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(312): View more from Illinois

I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

Fav 6 2535 1239
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.

Fav 2 847 484
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(770): View more from Georgia

He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.

Fav 0 57 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT