Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about

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(773): i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about http://tfl.nu/411c

Replies (24) Good night (1164) Bad night (767)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.

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(918): I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater. http://tfl.nu/r4ec

Replies (9) Good night (4620) Bad night (806)
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(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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(440): vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night? http://tfl.nu/3xi4

Replies (10) Good night (1068) Bad night (2802)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea

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(828): yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea http://tfl.nu/why3

Replies (9) Good night (2334) Bad night (1346)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?

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(859): how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong? http://tfl.nu/c3b4

Replies (6) Good night (994) Bad night (2850)
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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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(315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3

Replies (8) Good night (2162) Bad night (875)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.

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(604): So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/yo38

Replies (6) Good night (553) Bad night (2539)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.

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(414): I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work. http://tfl.nu/n3jo

Replies (0) Good night (1296) Bad night (524)
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(586): View more from Michigan

There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.

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(586): There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life. http://tfl.nu/feu1

Replies (6) Good night (471) Bad night (883)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.

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(252): Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in. http://tfl.nu/6mb0

Replies (3) Good night (1251) Bad night (787)
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(940): View more from Texas

Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!

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(940): Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?! http://tfl.nu/l6ig

Replies (6) Good night (451) Bad night (1277)
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(989): View more from Michigan

tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition

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(989): tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition http://tfl.nu/yo0y

Replies (2) Good night (1018) Bad night (511)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.

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(616): I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers. http://tfl.nu/1m5q

Replies (0) Good night (637) Bad night (381)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob

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(225): there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob http://tfl.nu/syeg

Replies (3) Good night (312) Bad night (505)
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(561): View more from Florida

We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.

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(561): We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely. http://tfl.nu/qpsp

Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (324)

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