Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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