I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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