She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
