I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
