...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
