So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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