Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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