I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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