My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
