I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
