i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
