Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize