i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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