The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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