Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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