he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
