His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
