he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
