he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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