in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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