life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
