just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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