can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is wine microwaveable?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
