So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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