dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize