i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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