My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
