Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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