It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
