how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
