I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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