is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
