i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
