Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
