I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She even gives head with a lisp.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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