question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
