It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
