i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
