Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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