btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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