my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
