every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
