You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
