I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
