he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.