Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
