Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
