I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
