Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
