So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
