everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
