The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
