I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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