I want to make a zoo with you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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