im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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