It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
