my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
