She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
