he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
