Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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